I have never let anyone take my picture before when I have been sick. I feel awful and crummy, and then in ways I feel bad, because I have these large gaps of time with no photos. Sometimes months at a time. So, I decided that this time will be a journey. I may not look as well as I would like, but hopefully with treatment, I will contiue to improve and be able to see the progress. I can realize along the way, that no matter how I feel or look, I can still make good memories, and make each day something special.
I spent time with Tyler in her room today.... she "cooked" for me, with her kitchen set, and we listened to primary songs, and she danced for me, and we read together on her bed and looked out the window. It was nice to feel well enough to be able to enjoy that time with her! I am now 3 weeks into my treatments... I think we have known that this was coming for quite some time, but did not realize when I got sick this time that it would hit so hard. I have known that the treatments would be somewhat overwhelming.... everything from shots, to breathing treatments, once a month treatments, once a week treatments, eye care treatments, oral care treatments and supplements, daily physical therapy, and a daily pill count of 34 pills which all have to be divided and grouped so they can be taken at the correct times. I have met with a nutritionist to try to tackled that end of it, and right now it feels like a full time job!! But the goal is, that it will be worth it and hopefully put this disease into remission. I look at myself in the mirror, and I think to myself... "Thats not me!" Inside I feel young, and well, and feel I have great mountains to climb... but when I look in the mirror, I realize I need to take time to gain some strength. I am learning through this process though, and I really appreciate the lessons I am learning. They would be difficult to learn any other way. I know we are given the trials we are given in our lives for a reason, and we are told to be greatful for them... this past few weeks, as I have had some time to ponder and reflect, I realize just how much I have to be greatful for! And the little daily moments in life that mean so much more too! Today I got to spend the morning with my beautiful daughter, and just really feel her sweet spirit, and that was such a great experience. If I had I been well, I may have been too busy tidying the house, or running errands, or just doing the daily tasks, to have noticed how special that time really is. And to realize that she loves me just for me.... whether I am a sick mommy or well. She loves me the same. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment